For a happy second
Or maybe even two
It’s possible to believe
That all the lights
Flickering on
Simultaneously
In the bus shelters
Is meant
Just for you.
The camp but
Family-friendly
TV presenter role
Has been in decline
For some time
And it is sad to report
You can now find
Dale Winton
Perusing the
Reduced shelf
Yellow-stickered fare
With equal eagerness
To the rest of us
Some folk write Haiku
To showcase witty wordplay
I rarely bother
2ND REMINDER NOTICE
Our records show that although
a reminder notice was previously
Sent to you
Your council tax account
is again in arrears
(Emphasis added)
Red Caps and Bold
Can’t you see that
50 per cent of this letter
is written in Red Caps and Bold
If you do not bring your
Account up to date
You will lose the right to pay
in instalments and
If you lose the right to pay
in instalments
and you do not pay the full balance
Legal action will be taken
The costs of said action
Will be added to your bill
Red Caps and Bold
50 per cent of this letter
is written in Red Caps and Bold
So it must be clear to you already
Though it’s repeated here
For courtesy’s sake
That non-payment
Will also result in you
Being dragged naked
In front of the Town Hall
During commuter rush hour
And shot with massive lasers until dead.
“The real monsters of Loch Ness: new species of bugs discovered” – The Independent, 5 March 2013
And so it turns out
All photos of the
Loch Ness Monster
Are just sawfly larvae
Shot from weird perspectives
Making them look
Massive
Using mirrors, tin foil
And Photoshop to
Give the impression
They’re imperious in water
Not just gnawing a leaf
Fame for the obscure
Insect in disguise
Bringing vicarious fame
To the socially ignored
And while we’re at it
All photos of the Yeti
Are just caterpillars
Shot from weird perspectives
The hairy kind
Using mirrors to imply
They’re standing vaguely upright
Not simply pondering
Becoming a chrysalis in
The near future
It’s not hard to do
It just needs the kind of
Commitment and persistence
That most don’t have
No time expenditure
Spared for the true beauty
Of an outsider’s in-joke
With legs
Many legs
[video]
http://alarmistmagazine.co.uk/buy.html
[video]
Saturday night’s all right for poetry
NO IT’S NOT
All right then.
[video]